Kassadin's Excellent Towerdive
by Cook My Sock
Summary: Kassadin seems to be having a lackluster early game. Can he turn it around? Rated M for excessive dongs, descriptions of dongs, and dongs doing the things dongs do best.


_**Kassadin's Excellent Tower-Dive**_

_**Chapter 1**_

A mighty battle raged in the twisted treeline. Mighty forces battled. Mighty heroes battled. Kassadin, who was battling mightily, had an erection. They were twelve minutes into the game, and he had been laning against Miss Fortune, who was a total slut. She had been taunting him from a distance, insulting his sexual prowess.

"How dare you, filthy pirate-slut" retorted Kassadin. She hadn't been taking him seriously, but that was about to change, as he had just hit level 6.

"If you're so big, why don't you come over here and prove it, void-balls" Miss Fortune jokingly shouted, feeling safe in the proximity of her turret. Kassadin had enough. He loosened his belt-buckle with a satisfying _clink_, and let drop his cloak to the ground. Miss Fortune's eyes widened as she beheld a sight not meant for mortal eyes: It was Kassadin's purple, throbbing, veiny, VOID COCK. He possessed three glowing testicles and a girth as long and as thick as Tryndamere's sword-arm. In but a moment her expression shifted from surprise, to intense fear.

"Oh my-" she managed to utter, before Kassadin rift-walked past the horde of minions and tower-dived straight into Miss Fortune's unsuspecting mouth, silencing her.

"Justice will be served" Kassadin exclaimed, as he brought Fortune to her knees, and forcefully grabbed her red-locks, accelerating her whorish mouth across his vast penis.

She was losing consciousness. She could not think, not with Kassadin's cock pounding at whatever was left of her mind. The silencing effect of his mystical member was having a profound effect on Fortune, warping her reasoning. She no longer hunted pirates, she now hunted COCKS. With a momentary burst of strength she tore his _void-blade_ out of her mouth, dripping with saliva.

"Don't get cocky" she gasped. To Kassadin's (pleasant) surprise, she grabbed it with both arms, her fingers singed by the arcane runes, and DEEP-THROATED the entire length of it, as if it was a Subway five-dollar footlong. Kassadin could feel his forehead poking the back of her stomach. He was cumming.

"I'm on my way!" shouted the void-walker, as his null semen erupted from his abyss-balls. Fortune gagged as white cream splashed against her stomach, filling it to the brim and rising back up her throat. Her eyes rolled back as Kassadin's unborn children exploded out of her mouth and nose, and fell to the ground, lifeless. A distant voice shouted:

"FIRST BLOOD".

_**Kassadin's Excellent Tower-Dive**_

_**Chapter 2**_

Having finished ravishing Fortune's cadaver, Kassadin found himself _stimulated_ but not entirely _satisfied_. Indeed, with a schlong spanning several dimensions, this void-walker was not an easy customer.

"No mortal ass can quench my thirst" exclaimed Kassadin.

"I require something, _harder_."

Beneath his vaporiser mask (which he must wear at all times for his severe asthma) a malicious grin stretched across his mouth, as he turned his gaze… to the turret! The structure towered over his frame, its defensive orb unable to strike at his tender loins from this angle. Resting at his waist was an alcove in the construction, a wide cylindrical shaft built for the purpose of maintenance: but Kassadin had another purpose in mind for it.

He roared in cacophonous laughter as he slapped his greasy cock against the maintenance-shaft.

Kassadin, began raping the tower.

Meanwhile, within the tranquil protective bosom of the summoning circle, Ryze was meditating (and masturbating). However, he sensed that something was amiss, a disturbance in the force was felt. Suddenly his eyes burst open, a look of horror sketched upon his visage. Ryze vomitted in disgust.

"He… he's raping the tower! I… I'm going to be sick."

Ryze threw up again. He wiped the bile from his mouth and rose from the circle, regaining his composure. There was a totally sick lens-flare effect going on.

"I know what must be done" murmured Ryze, clenching his fist up to the sky. He slammed his palms against one another, and yelled mighty words of ritual chant. The earth shook, and Ryze's balls jiggled.

Kassadin was about done defiling the maintenance shaft, being just about to pull his own _shaft_ out when the crevice began to tighten. In panic, he frantically looked around to realize that someone had activated the turret fortification incantations.

'Those fools' Kassadin thought.

The mystical incantations that protected the tower seeped out of the maintenance shaft and straight into Kassadin's mystical genitalia. The energies that Ryze had hoped would put and end to the rift-walker's depravity instead began empowering him instead. Kassadin moaned in ecstacy as his purple penile pickle swelled with the power of the void.

**He could no longer hold it in.**

_**Kassadin's Excellent Tower-Dive**_

_**Chapter 3**_

"I'M CUMMING" Screamed Kassadin at the top of his lungs, his mighty proclamation heard by all. Just then, the enemy team decided now was as good a time as ever to gank his sorry ass. They were not ready. Miss Fortune and Taric burst from the nearby bush, as Kassadin's supercharged nether-cock rotated a full 180 degrees like some kind of mighty semen-breathing dragon.

Kassadin came.

With such explosive force that both were instantly obliterated. Miss Fortune was melted down to the bone, because she is a slutty pirate whore slut. Also, he did not want to pay child support because she was pregnant with his child.

"Outrageous" echoed Taric, as he was blown straight out of the solar system.

"Truly, truly outrageous."

Kassadin roared in cacophenous laughter, before promptly rift-walking into the enemy base. Ryze was surprised to discover that Kassadin's meaty cock was raping his mouth. With a devilish grin, he let loose another load and killed Ryze with his steaming smegma.

Finding himself bored amidst the rape and chaos and chaos being raped, Kassadin rift-walked out of the twisted treeline, into HotshotGG's house.

Hotshot fell back from seat in terror.

"W-who are you?" he demanded, covered in spilt mountain-dew and cheetos packets.

Silence. The rift-walker saluted.

"HAIL. HITLER." Shouted Kassadin, and **brutally raped him up the ass.**


End file.
